Who is a secondary survivor?
​
In a situation of abuse there are primary survivors and secondary survivors.

If someone you know and it is close to you, like a family member or a dear friend, has been abused in any way, you are a secondary survivor.

A "secondary survivor" is a family member or friend of a person who has experienced directly any trauma or abuse. A bystander that witnesses abuse, can be considered a secondary victim too.

​It could be that you saw something, heard something or the victim told you what happened later.

​To find out that someone you care for has been  abused (sexually, physically, emotionally) can be very difficult to handle. Some times, secondary survivors experience similar emotions than the victim but don't receive the same help or attention.

​Friends and family members are often very angry, hurt and frustrated as well, but they are left alone to deal with their emotions. Also, they don't know how to respond or what to say. 
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​ We would like to tell you that, as a secondary survivor, it is ok not to have the right words or many answers all the time. Secondary survivors have their own process and it should be addressed and respected.

How you might be feeling if someone 
you care for has been abused
​- and some positive ways to overcome these emotions -

Angry

Guilt

Sad

It is ok to feel this way

Let him or her know that you’re always there for them, and that they can tell you as much or as little as they are comfortable doing.

Anxiety

Fear 

Here we share a "self help guide" to understand better how you might be feeling: 
https://www.kcrasac.co.uk/self_help/friends-and-relatives-of-survivors-self-help-guide/

What can I do if I'm a secondary victim?

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 Acknowledge what you feel and take care of yourself.
It is important to be aware of the impact that this event had on you, and give yourself permission to have your needs met without feeling that they are not "as important" as other's.
​Continue to do things that you like and help you to feel good, such as cooking, volunteering, playing a sport or spending time on nature. Try to sustain a healthy lifestyle by doing fun activities that could give you energy and calm to go through the day; get enough sleep, eat healthy food, do some exercise and spend quality time with friends or family.

Talk about it
​It is always useful to have a trusted network so you can talk to someone who understands - another friend or family member who has been there - or with a health professional so you can share freely your emotions. You may need help to process your feelings.

http://www.openingthecircle.ca/defining-abuse/for-families-friends-of-survivors 
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If you want to read more about Secondary Victims, here we share some articles:

Community Advocates for Family & Youth

https://www.cafyonline.org/get-help/survivor-resources/secondary-victims/

Opening the Circle

http://www.openingthecircle.ca/defining-abuse/for-families-friends-of-survivors

Australian Government - Institute of Criminology

https://aic.gov.au/publications/tandi/tandi500

We can't forget how children of abusers cannot escape the stigma of the actions carried out by their relatives.
​Here we share an article about it: https://www.nydailynews.com/sports/i-team/child-abuse-affects-article-1.995807